Well!! As a parent and also as an educator, I often find myself thinking on what truly motivates children. So this question became very real to me through my own experience with my son & daughter.
Like many parents, I use a reward system at home to help them build responsibility. I usually create a small responsibility chart where I list out simple daily tasks for them.
Never a big ones, just small responsibilities that are part of things we do at home every day. Like, after playing they had to put Lego pieces back into their box. To take our dog (Bhaira) for a walk, feed the fish in the fish tank, keep the school bags ready for the next day, and so on..
Now, Every time they completed these tasks, they would earn a reward. Sometimes it was extra screen time, sometimes chocolates, and very often for my son he loved like a Hot Wheels cars or things related to Lego.. And then, we used to build a doll houses and tents for my daughter to play J
And honestly, in the beginning it worked beautifully.
They were extremely enthusiastic. They would rush to finish the tasks quickly and come running to show me what they had done. I could see the excitement in them because they were looking forward to the reward they would get. The chart would fill up quickly and he felt very proud of it.
But after some time, I started noticing something deeper.
They weren’t really doing the tasks because they felt responsible. It’s because they were expecting something in return. The focus had slowly shifted from the task itself to the reward that followed.
And that made me pause and think about it.
Soon, I realised that what I had created was mainly an “External motivation”. Rewards can definitely help when children are young and still learning routines. They can introduce structure and encourage participation. But it often works only for a short period. It may start a behaviour, but it does not always sustain the attitude behind it.
Now that my son is entering his preteen years, I feel that this is an important stage in his development. At this point, I don’t want him to complete tasks simply because he might get another toy car or a few extra minutes of screen time.
What I really want for him is something much deeper “the inner fire” to do things because they matter.
That inner fire is what we call an “Internal motivation”. It is the quiet drive that comes from within. It is when a child begins to feel proud of completing something, not because of a reward, but because they know they were capable of doing it and it is their responsibility.
It is when responsibility slowly becomes part of who they are.
Of course, this shift does not happen overnight. It requires a lot of patience, trust, and many conversations, and sometimes you also have to be ready to handle differences in opinion, because children at this stage start thinking for themselves. Instead of focusing on rewards now, I try to help him see the meaning behind what he does that contributing at home makes him a responsible member of the family, that preparing his bag helps him be organised, that caring for a pet or feeding the fish teaches responsibility and empathy.
When I look back, I don’t regret the reward system. It served its purpose when he was younger. It helped introduce routine and structure.
But as children grow, our approach must also grow with them. What begins with rewards should slowly evolve into self-motivation and responsibility.
Because in the long run, it is not the toys, chocolates, or screen time that shapes a child’s character. It is the moment when they begin to act from their own sense of purpose.
And as a parent, watching that inner spark slowly take shape is far more rewarding than any chart I could ever create. Because one day, when one is there to remind my children, I’m sure that “INNER VOICE WILL GUIDE THEM”<3
By,
Nandini M A
Academic Coordinator
LETTER Academy